Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Is this my life?
This picture was my workspace today. Lots of cloth and sewing tools. I have been very crafty. Not my usual scrap booking or jewelry crafty, but sewing. This is really not usually my thing. I guess I kinda go in spurts. My grandmother taught me how to sew and the summers with her, sewing and making quilts are some of the fondest memories in my life. Since I was a kid though, not so much. This too shall (probably)pass so I am enjoying it while it's happening.
Over the last several weeks, I have been thinking a lot about my grandmother. I loved all my grandparents and had special relationships with both grandmothers, but I was especially close to my mom's mom. Grandma E. She was my "sweetie grandma". That's what all of my friends called her and, of course, I agree :)
The other day, I saw a young woman, probably in her 20's and she was helping (what appeared to be)her grandmother in Walmart. I got tears in my eyes, as I remembered all the shopping trips and times spent with my grams as an adult. I would give almost anything to have those times back. If I close my eyes, I can almost see myself in her apartment in Detroit. I can almost smell the food, hear Wheel of Fortune on the TV.....Anyway, sometimes I think about my life. Like the picture above, if you told me that in 2014, I would be spending countless hours making hand sewn crafts, I would have laughed out loud. Yet, here I am.
This weekend, my youngest cousin, Bill, got married in Pittsburgh. It's just Jill and Bill and me on my mom's side and although we're not best friend close, mainly due to never living geographically close when we were growing up, we've tried (mainly Jill and Bill) to be involved as much as we can in each others lives. Anyway, I have known about the wedding since earlier this year and had big hopes to be able to go. Zachary has always wanted to go the Philly and see the Liberty Bell and I dreamed of us taking the long way home and stopping. None of that happened... Over the last few years, I learned to just "roll with it" when things don't go my way. That's my life...
So here's the question, Is this my life? Yep, sure is! I am blessed and even though, sometimes I can honestly say, I'm not happy about everything in my life, I still have so much to be thankful for. In the last year, my family has faced some health issues with my mom. We recently found out some news that was definitely not the answer we had hoped for, we know that God is STILL in control. In my human thinking, I ask, why?, I even ask, Are you kidding me? Really? But as I allowed, and continue to allow God to speak to my heart, I know that he has everything under control. Does that mean, I like it? NO!!! I will never like or understand that my precious mom, one of the sweetest woman I know, is having to go through this trial! Does that mean that in the midst of this trial, I will find a way to praise God? Yes, it does. Who am I that I could ask that my family be spared, when I see brothers and sisters with just as much faith and just as sweet a testimony, going through things as bad or even worse?
So this is my life.....Sewing, dreaming, disappointments, rejoicing, incredible blessings, heartache, struggle and one day....HOME. Jesus, my grandma, Andrew and eternity without another care. Yep, this is my life. I might change things if I could, but ultimately I am trusting my heavenly Father, until I get home....